When I was only three, and just a little tyke,
I got a piggy bank, and in the bright sunlight
I took it out upon the walk and Happily I played,
and then I dropped it where it broke, the self-same day.
Cradling my broken toy
I cried and
cried and
cried,
for the pretty broken gift;
for the little child, inside.
When I was only seven, my Mother had a calling,
She had to leave me home, which I found then appalling.
One tree in the front yard, a sapling growing there,
my arms thrown ’round in raging grief,
became mute anchor where
I cried and
cried and
cried,
for the small girls broken heart,
the little child inside.
When I was nearly ten, but not so very grown;
Father disapproved of the cleaning job I’d done.
So, I, in hurt amazement, declared I hated him.
Upon my legs, he then bestowed a reprimand
for disrespecting him. He did it with his hand.
My legs stung sore all day,
and I cried and
cried and
cried,
for my father’s disapproval,
for the little child, inside.
When I was just sixteen, desiring to date,
I tried to fix myself so guys would never hate
the girl who read too much, but couldn’t speak her mind;
but all I found were boys who thought I was “that” kind.
I couldn’t fight the tears,
I cried, and
cried, and
cried,
when I found that I was still
just a little child inside.
When I was 27 and I’d had a chance to learn
that love can’t cure those souls who fix on hate and pain.
my smallest one, life, purpose gave when I was blue;
else life seemed not worth effort of staying through.
I held her close and rocked her
while I cried and
cried and
cried
The tears fell ever faster
with the newest child, beside.
When I was thirty-three, in love with life again
I met a man who seemed my kind, became good friends
and then, it seemed another life would grace my home,
but it was not to be, for loss was quick to come
while he was gone,
and I cried and
cried and
cried
for the one who wouldn’t be
my little child inside.
When I was thirty-eight, there was another one
Who promised that he loved me true; but it was pun
on me. The rube was fibbing with not one, but two.
Too late was found the lie, with child coming through.
I feared the promise, he would break,
pull out his stake;
and I cried, and
cried and
cried,
for trusting in false promise,
for the latest child, inside.
At forty-five I tried again, a promise, broken,
to amend; to fix my desperate heart within.
To turn my gaze to better aims; choose Christ- like love
and virtue, seems a holier course, a finer trove
of treasure stored in easy reach of every hand.
Promised vows were breached again
And I cried and
cried and
cried
for every child-like bride
with nothing left inside.
At fifty-four, life had in store adventure bold,
another lifestyle to explore. Give up the old,
strike out anew, try mountain living once again.
Leaving shredded heart behind with lecherous man;
we took a gander once again with simpler things.
Left secret struggles in the past,
which came unhinged,
and I cried and
cried and
cried,
for what was left of pride,
of youngest child, beside.
At sixty-one, take heart, for this is not the end.
New covenant made, His promises he will attend.
Fear nothing now. To every broken heart attest
Christ’s love is able, never doubt, to give you rest.
Peace that surpasses all understanding is found.
His love, by shattered life, not bound,
and I cried, and
cried, and
cried,
for compassion sound;
for the little child, inside.
I wish to give credit to my Creative Writing teacher, Ian Stansel, for his invaluable insights and encouragement. As he stated, no poem is finished on the first draft, I looked again at this one, and understood that it needed more stanzas. It was sadly beautiful before, but it was not finished, for my life went on from that point. My life still continues, and I acknowledge the continuousness of the movements within it.
If you happen to come across another poem like this, that speaks of loss and sorrow at different ages, and ends at thirty-three, that’s probably my original. It may have been circulated by one of my living daughters, who also found it intensely touching.
© E.Maria Story and EMariaEnterprises, LLC 2012.
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